We are ok!

If you’re wondering, the recent tornado outbreak that occurred in Oklahoma completely missed my area. Our family and our loved ones are fine. Others, however, were not so fortunate. The devastation is terrible. There are still several children missing.

It’s always hard for atheists in Oklahoma to be a part of social media during times of crisis. Everyone is praying, but I’m not. I’m taking action – donating, doing. Please, if you can help, donate to Atheists Giving Aid’s Oklahoma relief effort. It’s difficult to live here sometimes, but I still love this state. Let’s take action!

It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but it’s getting better.

I have a good life. I really do. But I have internal struggles that make everyday life hard to cope with sometimes. I battle depression, anxiety, a borderline eating disorder, three major physical health issues, and weight troubles. I battled many of the same things as a (religious) teenager. I once used prayer as a way to let my problems go. I’d “give them to god,” as many Christians say. I’d push them away, deep down, trying to forget them and refusing to deal with them in a productive way.

They’d fester. They’d boil. Then the lid would explode off the pot. My dad and I would scream at each other. I’d rebel. Then came the guilt. So I’d rock back and forth on my bedroom floor, sobbing and begging for god’s forgiveness for my terrible behavior. I’d write in my journal that I was lonely. I’d write that I felt unloved. Wasn’t god supposed to love me? Weren’t all my prayers supposedly being heard by him so he could bring me up from my sadness? Still I prayed, being told by friends and family that god is in control and has a plan for my life.

I never learned to deal with stress. I packed it away, deep down, until it exploded out of me. I know I can’t do that anymore. I know I have to let it out. I have to deal with things responsibly. I have to take care of myself.

Writing this blog and getting my thoughts out of my head and into a sort of physical place (at least they can be seen) really helps. I try to stay on topic, but sometimes I just need to vent. This week is one of those weeks.

I feel frustrated. I feel worthless. I feel like a failure because I can’t seem to lose weight. I need to do this for my family. I need to do this for my overall health. But nothing works, and I’m afraid of failing again.

I was taught to be “broken” before god. To let him fix me. I no longer want to be broken. I would like to take control of my own life instead of pretending that some outside force is going to make it better. I want my girls to grow up with healthy self-esteem and I want them to see me as strong, healthy, and capable.

Things are better this week. I made it to the gym and got a good workout in. I have a big craft show coming up this weekend, which will unload a lot of stress when it’s over. Thanks for letting me vent. Thank you for your letters of kindness and support. Don’t forget – I always write back, so be sure to check your junk folders!

I Always Write Back…

As I’ve mentioned before, I get at least one email a week through this blog, usually from people thanking me for writing it, but also from people seeking advice. I want you to know that I respond to every email I get, so if you haven’t seen a response from me, check your spam folder. It’s very important to me to stay in touch with my readers, so please know that I make every effort to respond as quickly as I can to all emails.

Also, I’m working on some guest posts for a couple of different parenting blogs, so keep an eye out for the details on those!

Thanks, I appreciate every single one of you more than you know!

B

Facebook Pages I Follow

If you have a lot of religious friends on Facebook, chances are your feed is getting thinner and thinner as you either hide their feeds or delete them. I love Facebook, however, and refuse to stop using it to keep in touch with family and friends. However, it can also be a great source for the goings on of the atheist and freethinker community. To keep up with the latest news, I follow several pages. Some I follow just for fun. Here are my favorites. If you visit any of them, let them know I sent you! I don’t get anything for it, but I’d love to get the word out about my blog!

Atheism Resource

The Atheist Parent’s Place

The Atheist Gaming Network (I’m a huge gamer!)

We are Atheism

American Humanist Association

The Ostracized Atheist Project

Freethinkers, Atheists, Skeptics, and Agnostics

Human Rights Campaign

Don’t hesitate to get in touch

I get at least one email in my inbox every week from someone who feels like they have no support as an atheist in America. The emails are always thankful, appreciative, and heart-warming. I know I may not offer the most exciting tips and advice on this blog, but I also know what it’s like to feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Simply knowing that other parents out there are facing the same challenges is comforting. You tell me you’re thankful that I’m willing to share my experiences…well I’m thankful you’re willing to send me a personal note to tell me you’re going through the same things. It means so much! Please, don’t hesitate to write. Your thoughts give me ideas for topics, and your words are a comfort in crazy times.

If you have a specific topic you’d like me to explore, please feel free to let me know. Now that I’m free of school I have plenty of time to devote to my blog!

Thanks again!

Just a quick thank-you!

I just wanted to send a quick thank-you out to my readers who have used my Amazon affiliate links to purchase books (found in the right sidebar). It’s much appreciated, and your support keeps me going! Thanks again, and I hope you all have a great week!

Here are the links of my favorite atheism and atheist parenting books:

Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion

Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief

Generation Atheist

The Young Atheist’s Survival Guide: Helping Secular Students Thrive

December 2012 Update

Hi everyone! So first of all, I’m sorry for the lack of posts. I graduate from the University of Oklahoma in less than 2 weeks and I had to write a capstone paper, so yeah, it’s been a little crazy.

Secondly, I looked at my analytics this morning and realized my readership has grown significantly! I’m getting about 900 visitors a month, with more than half of those being unique. Thank you all so, so much for reading. I know there aren’t a great many resources out there for non-religious parents specifically. I urge you to consider purchasing Dale McGowan’s book, Raising Freethinkers (with which I am not affiliated), as well as Parenting Beyond Belief. They are both excellent resources. Those are my Amazon affiliate links, and clicking them to purchase helps support this blog, so thank you!

I have big plans for this blog and really hope to do great things with it once I’m finished with school. I can’t believe I’m almost there! It feels like a lifetime has been wasted without education, but no more!

So thanks again, and I will most definitely try to keep up with comments and posts until school is out.

So, a little off topic, but…

I want to share some personal stuff with you. I’ve never been healthy. I grew up on processed food, have always had terrible skin, get sick easily, and now that I’ve had two kids, I’m about 70 pounds overweight. I also have a debilitating skin disease called hidradenitis suppurativa (Don’t Google it, you’ll be sorry. Or do Google it if you want to know the pain I must suffer.).

But wait, there’s more! About 6 months my first daughter was born my OBGYN put me on the birth control called Mirena. A few months later, I started experiencing ocular migraines, constant pounding headaches that nothing would ease, and a massive weight gain of about 30 pounds. My eyesight began to deteriorate, and I felt useless because I couldn’t do anything. After seeing a neurologist and having a lumbar puncture (OUCH!) I was diagnosed with intracranial hypertension, or IH. This one, you can Google. It’s not too bad.

So as you can see, I have my share of health problems. I’ve tried counting calories, working out hard core at the gym, and countless other “fad” diets. Of course, nothing worked. So now, I’m 31, overweight, sick all the time, and sick of everything. I was never taught how to be healthy, and I worry that my girls will follow my lead. You know what? Not gonna happen. 

I have dedicated my life to setting a good example for my children in terms of morality, responsibility, education, and love. But health? Not so much. I do not feed my kids junk and sugar. They eat much healthier than I do. They drink very little juice, lots of water, and they eat their green veggies. But I don’t. I love my Starbucks, chocolate, crusty breads, and pasta. But it’s time for all of that to go away. I need to practice what I preach, if you’ll pardon the religious reference.

A couple of months ago, my husband and I started eating primally. (That’s primally, not primarily!) We work out three times a week with a personal trainer. And this week, we’ve started juicing to add a nutritional punch to our diet. So what are the results? Nothing spectacular…yet. But we both feel better, and my hidradenitis suppurativa has been oddly calm. I usually have a couple of flare ups per month, and bad ones, but this month I’ve had only one very mild one.

So the goal is to drink more water (a goal at which I epically fail), continue eating primally and cutting out the processed crap, juicing for health, workout regularly, and be a good example for my girls.

So now you know about my terrible health issues (I told you not to Google it!) and what I’m doing about it. I needed to say this in a very public way to make sure I’m held accountable. Fortunately my husband is all about this and we have each other for support. We can do it!!

Quick Update

To all my readers, I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in so long. I’m finishing up my bachelor’s degree by going to school full time, all while working full time and raising my kiddos. It’s a busy, but amazing life. To all who have commented and shared your thoughts – thank you. Your support means more than you know. I will work to keep this blog updated.

My girls are now 5 and 3, and they have a million questions about life, about which I encourage them to think critically and form their own opinions. I’m very pleased with how they’re growing up, and though I will never force them to believe anything, I think they will have the capacity to realize how harmful religion is, and how wonderful science and rational thought is.

Thanks again for stopping by, and please let me know if you would like me to write on a particular topic! Thanks!

Edit: We’re becoming less religious, and it’s awesome! 

Guest Post on Parents Beyond Belief

I am honored to be a guest blogger on Parents Beyond Belief! Check out my post, Death and Secular Parenting: Overcoming the Fears. Enjoy!