The flaw in your argument.

It’s been over a year since I logged in to this site and a few legitimate comments have been sitting in the approval queue for a while. They are all on my Tolerance vs. Acceptance post. They all contain an argument about believers having “the right to disagree” with non-believers. Thus, I was inspired to write this post!

Yes, you’re correct. You do have the right to disagree with me on religious matters. That’s what being human is. But, our government is not human. It’s an entity designed to be a support system for our country. Our government should choose neutrality. And neutrality is inherently secular. It’s naturally non-religious. Our government should protect all our rights and belief systems without promoting one over the other, and it should ensure that those rights and belief systems are not harming others. This is where your “I have the right to disagree argument” is no longer a valid argument. 

For example, you can disagree with me that religious monuments shouldn’t be erected on government property because, you know, “freedom of religion” and all that. But, erecting a religious statue on government property is fundamentally opposed to your freedom of religion. Why do you think activist groups fight so hard to erect Satanic statues and the like? It’s to prove a point – that supporting one religion means that government has to support them all. Because, you know, “freedom of religion” and all that. 

It’s a similar situation with birth control. How does allowing access to birth control affect you? Does it affect your ability to worship your god? Does it affect you allowing (or not allowing) your child to have access to it? No, it doesn’t. But it does help prevent unwanted pregnancies and abortions. And, that helps stop the poverty cycle in its tracks.

Aren’t most religious people vehemently opposed to abortion? One would think religious groups would be in support of access to birth control to prevent more.

I won’t fully take on the abortion arguments here, as that’s a triggering subject with a wide set of beliefs. My point is that most of these religion-backed ideas are harmful to society, as a whole. My lack of belief in a god does not affect others’ ability to access the healthcare or help they need. It does not affect how you will raise your family. It’s neutral in that all people have the equal right to access what they need to live a healthy, full, and prosperous life. 

So don’t lecture me on your “right to disagree.” I get that. And I’m good with it. The world would be nothing without opposing ideas. Just keep in mind that it’s not about you and your beliefs. It’s about our government, which should be unbiased, inclusive, and supportive of its citizens and their quality of life.

Vote how you want to vote, but please educate yourself on what “freedom of religion” truly means. 

The Secret Language of Our Family a.k.a. Talking About Farts

You know what I’m talking about, Ladymoms and Gentledads. I’m talking about when dad rips one and the kids crack up laughing and mom gives dad the side-eye but cracks a smile anyway. Then a conversation about digestion ensues when the 6-year old asks why farts smell so bad.

It’s the stuff we talk about in our home, when it’s just parent and kid. When we are comfortable educating our children about the wonders of reproduction, what being gay is and why we believe love is love, what being racist is and why we have to leave the room when my 81-year-old grandfather starts talking.

And conversations about why we don’t wipe our boogers in certain places, what cat hairballs are made of, and all manner of bodily function questions, all involving Google or Siri for facts.

Sometimes we talk about not-so-gross stuff. I mean, I do have two girls. So I get the occasional “why do people wear makeup and bras?” or “why do you shave your armpits, Mommy?” type questions.

I don’t know about you, but I love these conversations. I love that my husband and I are the ones answering these questions for them instead of their peers (or, in the case of many of their friends, churches.)

We allow our girls to talk more openly about these things at home, and we specify that home is the best place to discuss these types of things at their age. They seem to get it, and they never hesitate to ask questions.

I know a lot of parents who feel nervous talking about sex with their kids, and while it isn’t my favorite thing to talk about, I think it’s good that we’re teaching them because we know it’s information based on actual facts.

Talk with your kids. About everything, all the time. About how farting works, about skunk stink glands, about their fears, your fears, and current events. Give them the education they need to face a world of loony politicians, angry people and hurting people, heartbreaks and emotional rollercoasters. Arm them with knowledge and they’ll be naturally more curious.

Try it and you’ll love it. You’ll bond over it, I promise you that. And I’m hoping that they’ll be more likely to come to their parents to talk when they’re older. We’re building the foundation now.

How to Deal with Religious Bullying and Spiritual Abuse

My oldest daughter, L, is now in the 3rd grade. Recently she brought home a Chick tract, which a girl in her class brought to give everyone in the 3rd grade. The tract is a “comic” designed to appeal to kids and get their attention, turning the story into the story of how to be “saved by Jesus.” Never mind that the school is allowing the tracts to be passed out to the entire grade (and probably the entire school)! That’s a battle I want to fight. But I digress.

L says this girls bugs her regularly because she knows L doesn’t go to church. It turned into bullying in my view when L asked the girl to stop talking to her about it and the girl refused.

I decided to look up the website on the back of the tract for some background information. I won’t post it here, but let’s just say this girl’s dad is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. His website claims that the “power of Jesus” healed his mental illness and it can “do the same for anyone.” Yikes. Shit just got really real.

My husband and I told L to respond like this: “I’m not interested, so please stop talking to me about it.” And if the girl refuses, we’ll take further action. We were clear with L that she should not respond hatefully, nor should she tell the girl that she’s wrong or try to engage in any kind of argument with her. As we often tell her, you can’t argue with stupid. Probably not the nicest way to put it, but just look up a religious Facebook or YouTube comments argument and you’ll understand.

Anyway, it’s been about 2 months since the last time L came home saying that this girl was bothering her, so it sounds like the kid got the point.

The moral of the story? Respond firmly, but kindly. It’s not this little girl’s fault that her dad is pressuring her to bully. But, I hope L can help her understand it’s not ok to do so.

Two posts in one day…I must be coming down with something…*cough*…


Making Memories at the Grocery Store

My oldest daughter made a comment this morning that reminded me to write today. She was explaining to her younger sister why we were going to the grocery store so early (9:30 am) on a Sunday. She said, “Mommy likes to get all the shopping done before noon because all the church people are in church. That way the store is not crowded.”

I grinned. She knows me so well. We walked into the nearly empty store and both girls exclaimed, “Wow! There’s no one in here! It’s so empty! Cool!!!” And we had a lovely time shopping together. We weren’t rushed. We weren’t in anyone’s way. We just talked about the delicious meals we have planned for the week played together up and down the aisles.

I’ve said it before on this blog and I’ll say it again…Sundays, for us, are all about family time. Memories were made at the grocery store today. Life is so good.

I hope you’re all well!


Blogging is hard work…and people are mean!

I know I get a lot of readers through Google search, so I want to apologize for the lack of content. There are many reason (excuses) for not writing. I have gone down a very busy and demanding career path, and while it does make me happy, I know I need to keep writing to maintain my sanity. Blogging takes commitment, and it just hasn’t been there from me.

That being said, I will write when I can. However, I’ve taken down my contact form due to an overwhelming number of horrible emails from some folks who don’t care much for my way of thinking/behaving/saying what’s on my mind. Those messages and crazy spam just make it too difficult to manage responding to emails.

I do have a lot of inquiries for advice, and I love that you guys trust me enough to ask for help. I will probably bring my contact form back in another way at another time, but for now, it’s turned off.

To anyone who doesn’t like what I have to say – why the hell are you spending your time here, then? I don’t go around reading religious blogs and sending mean messages to people about how horrible they are. Come on, people. Grow up.

Also, to the hundreds of messages I have in my inbox about how atheism is a belief system – no. Just no. It’s a LACK OF BELIEF in a god and gods or any sort. I’m not raising my kids as atheists. I’m raising them to think for themselves. To question everything. When they’re old enough to handle the pressures that our local churches put on people, I’ll let them go and experience different churches. They already do have exposure to these kinds of things because we live in fucking Oklahoma, where there are three churches on every block. So yeah, I think they’re getting plenty of other viewpoints.

A 5-year-old and an 8-year-old are not old enough to go through any more experiences than what they’re already going through with their friends at school. It’s hard enough. But trust me when I say I’m not locking them in to any “system.” I want them to be curious, to question, to love, and to be good people because they want to be, not because they think they’ll go to hell if they don’t behave.

Thank you for your continued support for those of you who have been asking for more posts. I’ll do my best. I can’t promise, but your continued readership means more to me than you know.



P.S. If you haven’t seen Derek, you must.

Where have I been? Freethinker Mom is Back!

I know, I know. It’s been way too long since I shared some tidbit of life as an atheist parent with you. I got a job outside the house last September and life has been a whirlwind of insanity since then.

So, here’s an update on life:

  1. I’ve lost 35 pounds since January 1. I’m super proud and I feel better than ever! And, I’m still losing about a pound a week thanks to the Keto Diet.
  2. My two girls are in summer camp at the YMCA here in Tulsa. Their experience has been great so far, and they’re loving being outside all day. It’s been very non-religious, which is wonderful for all of us.
  3. Work is going well. I’m doing what I love for a great company. Can’t beat that!
  4. I have so much to tell you! Let’s start with how I actually went to church for the first time in years, and on Easter Sunday, no less!

Yep, that’s right. A Christian got an atheist to go to church. A coworker and dear friend invited me to come to the inaugural Easter service of her start-up church where she would be preaching her first Easter service. I built their website as a favor to my friend because I truly believe in what she’s doing in her church. I decided to put my distrust of religion aside and go to support my friend and her lovely partner.

So we got dressed up and went to the service, which was held at the outdoor stage of a local downtown bar (YEAH!). It was misty and rainy, but I was glad to be there. I was proud to be a part of the service that day, for the message was clear and full of hope and love. I even sang along during worship!

You see, the pastor of this church is openly gay. She and her partner are preaching love. Pure, beautiful love. They are accepting, caring, and kind people. They truly understand the meaning of love, and I know my friend loves me, regardless of our differences in beliefs.

Of all the Christians I’ve met in this world, she is the truest follower of Christ I’ve ever known. It was her kindness and openness to my beliefs that compelled me to say yes to her invitation. Never has a Christian shown me the compassion and understanding that she shows me regularly.

So yes, Christians, you can get an atheist to go to church. And, while I did listen, and while I did agree with my friend’s message of love, I’m still an atheist. And you know what? That’s ok. 🙂

As a side note, I haven’t had access to the email address connected to this website, so I hope to get that resolved and answer any mail. I know I said I always write back, and I will – to each and every one of you –  because I’m sure there are some letters from someone!

Thanks for being patient with me during this transition to working outside the house!




I have proof that I’m raising good kids!

The neighbor kid and my oldest daughter were talking during free time at school today. Then he said it – “Your mom has a really big belly.”

I asked my daughter what she said when he said this. She said, “I told him that is not nice and he shouldn’t say things like that. I don’t think you have a big belly. I think you’re beautiful.”

It was the sweetest, most wonderful thing she could have possibly said. She defended me. She stood up for me. She stood up for propriety, for kindness, for motherhood, and for love.

I am raising one hell of an amazing child.

On the other hand, it was a loud wake-up call. I have not been sticking to the paleo-keto diet that I have been trying so desperately to do. It’s time to start eating clean.

Let’s talk about the measles outbreak in Texas

If you haven’t heard about it, head on over here, but be sure to come back! Read up on the situation? Good. Let’s discuss.

This subject is important to me because Oklahoma has been put on “measles alert” due to our close proximity to Texas. My kids have been immunized so I probably won’t have to worry about it, but Tulsa is a very religious city with several “megachurches” and a lot of people who believe anything they read on Facebook. It could be a real problem.

My personal view on vaccinations is this: there is not enough solid scientific evidence linking vaccines to autism and other problems for me to jump on that bandwagon. Also, my girls have been vaccinated for chicken pox, so they’ll never have to worry about getting them. My chicken pox experience happened in first grade. It’s one of my earliest memories, and it’s full of pain and discomfort. I had chicken pox eve.ry.where. On my eyelids, inside my mouth and nose, in unmentionable places. They were awful, and I remember feeling like I was dying. My girls will never have to go through that thanks to vaccines. So, there’s that.

I realize that vaccines are unnatural, but so is the food that a lot of parents (including me, yes) feed their children. You think GoGurt was on the menu for Grok’s kids? Not so much. Driving isn’t natural. There are a lot of things we do, like going to the hospital when we break a bone, that aren’t natural. But these things improve our quality of life.

The thing that makes me angriest about anti-vaccinators is that they are putting their children at risk because of their religion. I’ve known people who refused medical treatment for a child whose condition could be greatly improved by being treated. It’s just not fair to the child. I can’t imagine doing anything but what’s best for my child. Faith healing, as it’s called, is just plain child abuse in my book.

Do you vaccinate? Why or why not?

Ring the bell! School’s in!

Ah, it’s been far too long, my dear freethinking readers!

School is finally back in, and I’m happy to report that my daughter is no longer in the same class as her religious friend. Something interesting has happened in the past week. My daughter, who got in trouble frequently last year for acting up, talking out of turn, and being out of line, has improved dramatically. She hasn’t had her “card lowered” even once, and had gotten special rewards for being extra quiet and attentive in class. I’m amazed. Granted, this has nothing to do with her friend being religious, and everything to do with the fact that the two of them aren’t in class together anymore. But still, I’m happy with the direction this school year is going!

My youngest daughter also started pre-k this year, so it will be interesting to see how different the two of them are with regards to school relationships and behavior.

Anyway, I’m back and ready to regale you with tales from the summer, so keep an eye out for new posts in the coming weeks.  I’m going back to school this fall (yes, I’m insane) to get my master’s degree, but I intend to keep posting and communicating with my dedicated readers.

Thanks for sticking with me while I took a short break! Be sure to let me know if there are topics you’d like me to write about. Just comment here or send me a quick note! Thanks!

They’re worried about my soul…

Apparently I embarrassed my dad on Facebook a few days ago because I stated publicly that I’m a “non-believer.” This led to a belligerent phone call during which I asked him to stop embarrassing me. But he said he was embarrassed of me, and told me I shouldn’t say I’m a non-believer on Facebook. He didn’t say, “where all my friends can see it,” but I know he was thinking that.

He told me he worries for my soul. I know he’s not proud of me and it really hurts. I don’t understand why he isn’t proud of me, though. I work hard, got my degree, and I’m raising two sweet, polite, and kind little girls. I have a great marriage and a happy life. What’s not to be proud of? I don’t believe in his imaginary dude in the sky…that’s all.

To that, I say, “so, what!?” If there is a god (and that’s a big if for me), I don’t believe it’s the god of the Bible. I believe the god will be proud of my life and my actions. I believe this god will not demand to be worshipped, condemn gay people, oppress women, and favor war. If there is a god, he probably won’t care whether or not people believe in him because he’s given us no evidence he exists!